Thank goodness school's over for the weeked! I don't think I can take anymore of the silent mocking me behind my back. Honestly, all I did was panic a little when I had to get an injection. Okay, I paniced a LOT but I still went through with it. Ivy didn't. She simply refused; telling everyone that she wouldn't follow anyone else and that she wanted to be different.
Sorry, I'm not explaining myself very well. I got my HPV Vaccination today and I was quite scared. This is due to things which have happened in the past that I would rather not mention, so please don't ask. I did get my injection but, like I said, Ivy refused to. She was scared. I could see that but she just insisted that she was being different.
I've decided that it wouldn't be safe for me to leave home until after Christmas because this is the time of year my parents have to work a lot late at night because the company gets lots of orders this time of year. You know, people wanting to have a laugh at a Christmas party. Anyway, I wouldn't be able to sneak out of the house during the night if they are not here because they will want to "see" me as soon as they come in to make me sorry for everything I've ever done wrong.
I've sort-of started wondering if going back into care would be such a bad thing. Even if I was seriously considering it, I don't know how I would go about it. You have to remember that the authorities have me down as a lier, a runaway and a troublemaker. They consider my parents to be loving and caring people who obviously think the world of me. I can't compete with that.
I'm open to suggestions so please get in touch. I'm desperate. Thank you soo much!!!
God Bless Your Lives
Friday
Sunday
Calling ChildLine Again
Wow! It seems like ages since I posted. Even though it's only been 5 days. I suppose that is almost a week and a week could be classed as a long time depending on what you're talking about. For example, a week would be a long time if that was how long it look you to have a shower. Then again, a week wouldn't be a long time to do homework from every single subject. Sorry, I'm rambling.
Anyway, I did call ChildLine and I freaked out again! That is really unlike me! I don't understand it. I couldn't say anything the second time. I just had to hang up because I couldn't get any words out. But, I called again last night and, this time, I managed to say something to the girl who answered the call. When I started telling her things, I didn't say everything at first. Just bit by bit. I was too worried my parents might hear me to say anything much. But, finally, I couldn't hld it in anymore and I told her almost everything. I answered her questions and she suggested I speak to one of my teachers. I'm going to try talking to my Music teacher about it but, I'm worried I'll freak out again. I guess I won't know until I try so here's hoping...
God Bless
Anyway, I did call ChildLine and I freaked out again! That is really unlike me! I don't understand it. I couldn't say anything the second time. I just had to hang up because I couldn't get any words out. But, I called again last night and, this time, I managed to say something to the girl who answered the call. When I started telling her things, I didn't say everything at first. Just bit by bit. I was too worried my parents might hear me to say anything much. But, finally, I couldn't hld it in anymore and I told her almost everything. I answered her questions and she suggested I speak to one of my teachers. I'm going to try talking to my Music teacher about it but, I'm worried I'll freak out again. I guess I won't know until I try so here's hoping...
God Bless
Tuesday
Calling ChildLine
Blogger kicked me off the site yesterday. I'd just finished writing a post and I tried to post it but it came up with system error and wouldn't let me on for the rest of the night! I was gutted. When I logged on again today, the draft had been deleted! :(
I phoned Childline last night. It was one of the most frightening things I have ever done. First, a recorded message played telling me to either press 1 (if I was calling from Northern Ireland) or hold. I won't tell you which of these I did because that would help you narrow it down and I don't want that. Anyway, a woman picked up the phone and told me I was through to Childline. She asked me if I wanted to speak to a councillor, I said yes and she said she'd put me through. The phone rang for ages with little messages every so often apologising for the delay. I waited; I wasn't going to hang up now.
Then someone answered. It was a woman, she sounded young. And, I froze. I couldn't say anything. I was almost crying with the effort of saying anything. She told me to take my time so I took a deep breath and said I couldn't so it. I apologised and she said it was fine. She told me to think about what I wanted to say and call back when I was ready. I haven't called back yet. I'm going to try again tonight. I'll try very hard not to freak out again.
I don't understand. That wasn't like me at all. Lilly used to say I could talk for Britain, and I could. I still can but I don't. I have to concentrate on being happy all the time. I used to make everyone laugh when I first started High School. When I had lots of friends. Not now though.
May God Bless Your Souls
I phoned Childline last night. It was one of the most frightening things I have ever done. First, a recorded message played telling me to either press 1 (if I was calling from Northern Ireland) or hold. I won't tell you which of these I did because that would help you narrow it down and I don't want that. Anyway, a woman picked up the phone and told me I was through to Childline. She asked me if I wanted to speak to a councillor, I said yes and she said she'd put me through. The phone rang for ages with little messages every so often apologising for the delay. I waited; I wasn't going to hang up now.
Then someone answered. It was a woman, she sounded young. And, I froze. I couldn't say anything. I was almost crying with the effort of saying anything. She told me to take my time so I took a deep breath and said I couldn't so it. I apologised and she said it was fine. She told me to think about what I wanted to say and call back when I was ready. I haven't called back yet. I'm going to try again tonight. I'll try very hard not to freak out again.
I don't understand. That wasn't like me at all. Lilly used to say I could talk for Britain, and I could. I still can but I don't. I have to concentrate on being happy all the time. I used to make everyone laugh when I first started High School. When I had lots of friends. Not now though.
May God Bless Your Souls
Sunday
I was in Hospital
Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I was in hospital. It's a bit of a long story so I'll start from the beginning...
On Thursday afternoon, when I got home from school, my mum got really mad with me. She was hitting me and shouting at me and she locked me in the cupboard for 2 hours. This wasn't too much of a shock but, when she let me out I was shaking anyway. She started laying into me again until she'd gotten rid of all her anger. I ran outside for a bit of breathing space when I suddenly felt really dizzy. My mum had hit me really hard across the head and it was really sore. I didn't get further that two streets away when I fell over and knocked myself unconcious. Either that or I passed out, I'm not sure.
I woke up in hospital later that night and I asked the nurse how I'd gotten there. She told me that someone had found me on the street as they were passing by and had called an ambulance. Thay told me I had concussion and I had to stay in the hospital for a few days. When they asked me what had happened to me, I was completely lost for words. I had absolutely no idea what to say! I mumbled something about not remembering anything but I don't think they bought it.
Oh well, I'm back now. My parents are as merciless as always. Nothing much else is new.
God Bless
On Thursday afternoon, when I got home from school, my mum got really mad with me. She was hitting me and shouting at me and she locked me in the cupboard for 2 hours. This wasn't too much of a shock but, when she let me out I was shaking anyway. She started laying into me again until she'd gotten rid of all her anger. I ran outside for a bit of breathing space when I suddenly felt really dizzy. My mum had hit me really hard across the head and it was really sore. I didn't get further that two streets away when I fell over and knocked myself unconcious. Either that or I passed out, I'm not sure.
I woke up in hospital later that night and I asked the nurse how I'd gotten there. She told me that someone had found me on the street as they were passing by and had called an ambulance. Thay told me I had concussion and I had to stay in the hospital for a few days. When they asked me what had happened to me, I was completely lost for words. I had absolutely no idea what to say! I mumbled something about not remembering anything but I don't think they bought it.
Oh well, I'm back now. My parents are as merciless as always. Nothing much else is new.
God Bless
Wednesday
New Friend
My maths teacher asked this question today...
"At exactly 12 hours, 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 8th of September 2010, what is missing?"
It was really cool becauuse it turned out to be the 7! 12:34.56 8/9/10. See, there is no 7 inbetween the 6 and the 8. I spent ages trying to figure this one out. Anyway, I have some great news, well it's great news for me. I have a friend!
Her name is Melissa. She's the quietest girl ever, you wouldn't even know she was in the classroom if the teacher didn't point at her to answer a question. No-one sits beside her but my English teacher moved her to sit beside me. She didn't ignore me when I spoke to her, in fact, she was perfectly friendly. After class, we started hanging around together and I'm going over to her house just now. She says she is going to teach me how to skateboard! I'm so excited!
Right now, I'm looking for any excuse to be out of the house anyway. My dad refused to stay in hospital and he came home on Sunday. All he can do is lie on the couch with my mum waiting on his every need. That is why I haven't been posting for a few days, I can't get near the computer at all. I tried going to the library but Ivy has started hanging around outside it because she knows I go there a lot. Right now, my dad's asleep and my mum is in the kitchen, making them dinner. She isn't making anything for me so nothing has changed.
I have to go. Melissa's just phoned and she's told me to go over to her house now.
God Bless x
"At exactly 12 hours, 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 8th of September 2010, what is missing?"
It was really cool becauuse it turned out to be the 7! 12:34.56 8/9/10. See, there is no 7 inbetween the 6 and the 8. I spent ages trying to figure this one out. Anyway, I have some great news, well it's great news for me. I have a friend!
Her name is Melissa. She's the quietest girl ever, you wouldn't even know she was in the classroom if the teacher didn't point at her to answer a question. No-one sits beside her but my English teacher moved her to sit beside me. She didn't ignore me when I spoke to her, in fact, she was perfectly friendly. After class, we started hanging around together and I'm going over to her house just now. She says she is going to teach me how to skateboard! I'm so excited!
Right now, I'm looking for any excuse to be out of the house anyway. My dad refused to stay in hospital and he came home on Sunday. All he can do is lie on the couch with my mum waiting on his every need. That is why I haven't been posting for a few days, I can't get near the computer at all. I tried going to the library but Ivy has started hanging around outside it because she knows I go there a lot. Right now, my dad's asleep and my mum is in the kitchen, making them dinner. She isn't making anything for me so nothing has changed.
I have to go. Melissa's just phoned and she's told me to go over to her house now.
God Bless x
Saturday
Runaway List
I've got a list of things I'll need for running away and I'm trying to collect them. It's quite surprising how little the amount of things I have from that list is, considering they're supposed to be everyday essentials. So far, I have:-
- Binbags (for raincoats etc...)
- Lots of Clothes
- Water
- Money (I'm still saving every penny)
- Scissors
- Facecloth and Soap
- Trainers
- "Weapon"
- Hairbrush
- Elastics
- Anti-perspirant
- Bandages and Plasters
- Toothbrush and Toothpaste
- Needle and Thread
- Torch
- Pens/Pencils
- Jewellery (to sell)
That's pretty much it. I don't even have a decent back pack to put them all in. I've got plenty of money so I'll try to go out tomorrow and get a good quality backpack to hold it all. I don't think th UK has any "camping laws" so this should be resonably safe. This might sound daft but I'm going to take my Jessie doll with me too. She's the perfect companion perfect because she'll keep me company and I'll still only have one mouth to feed.
Thank goodness we have a long weekend and I don't have to go back to school until Tuesday! And, my parents are still at the hospital, so my house isn't dangerous any more. I've decided to stop calling this place home because it should make it easier to leave it behind and start calling the streets "home". Isn't there a saying street people have:-
"I have a home; I just don't have a house."
God Bless
- Binbags (for raincoats etc...)
- Lots of Clothes
- Water
- Money (I'm still saving every penny)
- Scissors
- Facecloth and Soap
- Trainers
- "Weapon"
- Hairbrush
- Elastics
- Anti-perspirant
- Bandages and Plasters
- Toothbrush and Toothpaste
- Needle and Thread
- Torch
- Pens/Pencils
- Jewellery (to sell)
That's pretty much it. I don't even have a decent back pack to put them all in. I've got plenty of money so I'll try to go out tomorrow and get a good quality backpack to hold it all. I don't think th UK has any "camping laws" so this should be resonably safe. This might sound daft but I'm going to take my Jessie doll with me too. She's the perfect companion perfect because she'll keep me company and I'll still only have one mouth to feed.
Thank goodness we have a long weekend and I don't have to go back to school until Tuesday! And, my parents are still at the hospital, so my house isn't dangerous any more. I've decided to stop calling this place home because it should make it easier to leave it behind and start calling the streets "home". Isn't there a saying street people have:-
"I have a home; I just don't have a house."
God Bless
Wednesday
Dad's in Hospital
Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday but I was too sore. When I got back from school, my dad was already back and had me running around everywhere. When my mum got home, she wanted me to do different things and I didn't have time to do what my mum wanted and what my dad wanted so I did what my dad wanted because he asked first. My mum went nuts and started yelling at me and hitting me. My dad came running in and started shouting about how I should always obey my mother and started hitting me too.
Never mind all that though. I'll tell you about what happened this morning. My dad fell down the stairs. I know I shouldn't be happy about that but he's broken his leg and he's out cold in hopspital. He has to stay there for a few weeks and my mum won't leave his side until she absolutely has to. That means they're hardly ever home so I might manage to start gathering my things for running without them getting suspicious!
Other than that, today wasn't very entertaining. I'm in the library just now and thought I may as well post this now in case I don't get a chance tonight.
God Bless
Never mind all that though. I'll tell you about what happened this morning. My dad fell down the stairs. I know I shouldn't be happy about that but he's broken his leg and he's out cold in hopspital. He has to stay there for a few weeks and my mum won't leave his side until she absolutely has to. That means they're hardly ever home so I might manage to start gathering my things for running without them getting suspicious!
Other than that, today wasn't very entertaining. I'm in the library just now and thought I may as well post this now in case I don't get a chance tonight.
God Bless
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